The Quangos are quivering!

Just two weeks into January 2009 and reality is starting to bite in the various hiding holes of those lazy, incompetent public servants who staff the so-called Quangos. These are Non-Governmental-Organizations (NGO’s) appointed as advisers to the advisers, who then advise the more senior advisers to hire outside consultants to further advise on the very complex matters that they deal with every day, such as who is responsible for changing the bog roll in the Society of the Disenchanted Public Guardians. Such pressure! And, importance.
So much to do and so much more time and money to do it.
Well, your days are numbered: your time is up.
An Bord Snip, (great moniker) chaired by Colm Mc Carthy, a man noted for not taking any shit (so no need for bog paper in above organization, then) is on the march.
His brief is to snip the crazy and unnecessary costs incurred by the self-serving, loathsome, arse-licking, low-life species that occupy the boards of these quangos.
Appointed by ministers or civil servant mandarins as a reward for obscure services ranging from the ability to be loud and pontificating in Doheny and Nesbitts, or the more important task of giving a damn good blow-job to the frustrated Junior Minister every Tuesday to relax him before he answered a question in the Dail, these people extracted millions and millions from the system in the last decade.
The good news now is that they are all doomed. No more fancy perks, un-vouched expenses, free facials. Back on the mean streets the whole fecking lot of you! Lie down with that beggar there and share a few snots! Now you know what a recession means!
But will we be able to deal with the awful reality that somehow the country will have to survive without The Organization for Tattoos on Big Dicks, Fitzwilliam Sq, Dublin 2.
Disaster of course strikes with the imminent closure of the National Hair Lice Assessment Board, Merrion Street, Dublin 2. It is such a shock. Makes the closure of Dell resemble a laundrette closing down really, doesn’t it?
In the IFSC, when word reached them that McCarthy was on his way, all the staff of The Central Board of Financial Aid for Deceased Persons, took the decision collectively to jump from the top of the IFSC.
The shame was too much for them. Cleverly, though, they filled out their own forms for aid to help them on their way as their last act. Ha! Ha! They had the last laugh on McCarthy. It gave them a great feeling of peace as they soared through the air into the bowels of the Liffey.
More next week on the sheer terror that is sweeping through the boardrooms of the Quangos as Mc Carthy stalks the streets of Dublin with his huge scissors.
Who is next? Was that a scream I heard in the distant darkness? Or, was it the Junior Minister getting his last ever blow job?
Truly, McCarthy you have no mercy in your bones at all!