Taoiseach-elect, Brian Cowen, faces his first major crisis just days after being installed as the leader of Fianna Fail.
Ironically, the pressing issue involves none other than the man he is set to take the reins from as leader of the country on May 6th next, Bertie Ahern.
This time the problem has nothing to do with Bertie’s finances, houses, lovers and all the baggage that was unloaded at the Mahon Tribunal.
Bertie Ahern is the only man struck by lightening twice in the history of the planet, which goes back billions of years. Not alone that, but he survived both attempts!
On Thursday last, Bertie and his entourage were making their way to Belfast for the 10th anniversary of the Good Friday Agreement. They flew from Dublin to Belfast by the Government jet and were beginning their descent into Belfast when the plane was struck by what Government aides later said was a bolt of lightening. The bolt singled out poor Bertie and the man went into contortions in the seat.
There were four pilots and various aides on board totaling in number fourteen. Nobody was harmed except Bertie, who later bravely shrugged off the incident in his typical understated manner. “Ah shure, these things happen. I got the same dart some years ago on the way to see Bill Clinton in the White House. You get used to it, I suppose”
Back in Dublin however, questions were being asked. The Special Branch was called in to investigate conspiracy theories that were circulating on the internet. Rumours were spreading to the effect that this was no accident at all. Nobody ever is hit by lightening twice. There was some mysterious aura to the whole incident.
Why did Bertie and party need to take the Gulfstream V Government jet with a range of 13,000 kilometres to travel 150 kilometres from Dublin to Belfast? Why did they not go by road up that brand new M1 motorway? Has the toll bridge at Drogheda got so expensive that it is cheaper to take the jet instead?
What about the carbon footprint left after such a method of travel? Was this Bertie’s way of giving the two fingers to the Green Party who were holding their annual conference in Dundalk?
There was much scratching of heads at Garda headquarters. The CIA was asked for assistance as the unanswered questions mounted. They immediately re-assigned a crack unit, based at Shannon Airport, from their normal duties of kicking the shit out of prisoners on their way to Guantanemo Bay, to add their extensive knowledge and forensic skills in the search for the truth.
The CIA blamed Bin Laden for praying loudly to Allah and convincing him to unleash a bolt of lightening targeted to hit Bertie. Brian Cowen rejected this crazy notion outright and offered the scenario that Celia Larkin released a surface-to air missile from Killaloe to extract revenge for Bertie not marrying her when she asked him.
The Special Branch, clearly annoyed at having the CIA operating on their patch, suggested that this was much ado about nothing. They opined that Bertie was always a sitting target to be struck by lightening twice – didn’t he lead a misfortunate life, as sort of a political Jonah dogged by ill-fated events all during his political career.
People giving him money when he did not need it. Other people giving him houses just for the fun of it. Bankers refusing to open accounts for him, even when he was Minister for Finance. Disaster followed him everywhere. His daughter even married a guy from Westlife – the shame of it all! Sure, he was a sitting duck for a bolt of lightening.
As we write, the crisis continues. Watch this space. Space? Who said space?
Monday, April 14, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
BERTIE BOWS OUT; WHY WE SHOULD BE GLAD
Bertie Ahern succumbed to the inevitable this week when he tendered his resignation to take effect from May 6. This timeframe allows him to address the joint US Congress and Senate and provide him with an opportunity to say farewell on the grandeur of a world stage and add an impressive last line to his CV.
It is all a long way from the petty nit-picking probing of the Mahon Tribunal into his financial affairs, (as he seen it) which led to his departure on a very low note this week.
These revelations, and his incredulous explanations of his dodgy dealings with cronies in the mid-nineties, probably reveal the true Bertie that he so cleverly camouflaged during his political career.
In the end, he lied like an intellectually challenged eight-year old altar boy caught red-handed drinking the altar wine. It was farcical to see him digging a hole so deep for himself and then insulting the intelligence of the Irish people by his pathetic stories in trying to get out of it.
Let us credit him first with his undoubted achievement.
The torturous negotiations in bringing order and peace in Northern Ireland leading to the Good Friday Agreement in 1998 stands as his greatest contribution to the people of the 32 counties of Ireland. His skills at achieving consensus helped to bring a solution that eventually morphed into devolved Government in Northern Ireland. Bertie Ahern deserves credit for his involvement in that process – but only as part of a team. And, bear in mind that his predecessors, Albert Reynolds, along with John Hume, were the real architects of the peace that is now in place when they opened secret dialogue with Gerry Adams and Martin Mc Guinness in 1994. Ahern never gave credit to either man in all the backslapping that occurred when eventually the North started looking after its own affairs.
In fact, he shafted Reynolds in the most two-faced manner when Fianna Fail nominated Mary Mc Aleese as Presidential candidate to replace Mary Robinson, having promised Reynolds his vote, only to betray him at the last minute.
Bertie Ahern is a complex character. Being educated in politics by Charles Haughey and graduating with first class honours – “the most cunning of them all”- eliminates him from any tolerance of the notion that he was some political innocent abroad. He cultivated the image of the ordinary north-sider made good in politics by sheer hard work and a disciplined constituency organization. At the same time, he was possessed of Machevellian purpose and intent that only the ‘Master Haughey’ could have honed to supreme levels. Bertie was clever enough to build around him an army of cohorts to do the dirty work and retain his innocent “wouldn’t harm a soul” image in his power base of Drumcondra.
When the top job became his, he brought many of these comrades with him and placed them in positions of power that was not for the good of the country, but for the good of Bertie. Added to that, he appointed a huge raft of professional advisors to go along with the public servants already paid to advise him. In a country of less than four million people, Bertie had enough of staffers to run the United States.
Clever people surround themselves with cleverer people. It is doubtful if Bertie ever had an original thought in his political life such is the array of knowledge at his disposal. His inability to think for himself was cruelly exposed at the Mahon Tribunal when forensic question about his financial follies were met with the most ludicrous and incredulous answers. Once away from the strings of his political puppeteers, Bertie was a walking liability to Fianna Fail and there was no way the party was going to let him go before the tribunal again as Taoiseach and pile more agony on them.
Therefore, it is hard to make out the character of the real Bertie. Was he a buffoon who brought Fianna Fail back together with his conciliatory methods? Was he a brain who had a great vision of what he wanted to achieve, and the cunning to carry it out? Apart from his positive role in the North, what did Bertie achieve for the people who actually elected him to office?
In a nutshell, very little. He presided over unprecedented economic boom that was under way when he took office in 1997 and to which he made little contribution. His greatest act was to appoint Charlie McCreevey as Minister of Finance. McCreevey was a maverick that could bully Bertie and his ministers into his way of thinking. A range of measures introduced during his reign as Finance Minister, most notably the cutting of Capital Gains Tax from 40% to 20%, ensured that McCreevey contributed more to the Celtic Tiger than Bertie ever did, despite the former hiring more public servants than the state ever needed.
Ahern wasted the billions that reached the coffers of Government, mostly from the property boom. He must take sole responsibility for his own vanity projects and the failure of his ministers to control budgets on various projects.
It is frightening to consider what was lost on the likes of the Luas, Port Tunnel, electronic voting machines, the M50, the Ppars health IT exercise, Bertie Bowl, Aquatic Centre etc etc.
Worst of all though was the Benchmarking Commission that gave away over a billion euros to public servants that were already overpaid. This was solely Bertie’s baby.
The ability of Ahern to achieve consensus was not a skill at all. It was a weakness. He gave into the unions for the entire duration of his political life. The PR people would portray agreements a victory for common sense when, in fact, Bertie surrendered. The unions played their part in the charade and sniggered up their sleeves at the meekness of the man.
In summary, Bertie Ahern was a lucky politician who in time will be remembered not for what he done for the state, but what he didn’t do. He rode the wave of the good times he was fortunate to find himself in and then washed the proceeds down the toilet.
He departs his office, leaving the country in a mess.
He did the state no service at all.
It is all a long way from the petty nit-picking probing of the Mahon Tribunal into his financial affairs, (as he seen it) which led to his departure on a very low note this week.
These revelations, and his incredulous explanations of his dodgy dealings with cronies in the mid-nineties, probably reveal the true Bertie that he so cleverly camouflaged during his political career.
In the end, he lied like an intellectually challenged eight-year old altar boy caught red-handed drinking the altar wine. It was farcical to see him digging a hole so deep for himself and then insulting the intelligence of the Irish people by his pathetic stories in trying to get out of it.
Let us credit him first with his undoubted achievement.
The torturous negotiations in bringing order and peace in Northern Ireland leading to the Good Friday Agreement in 1998 stands as his greatest contribution to the people of the 32 counties of Ireland. His skills at achieving consensus helped to bring a solution that eventually morphed into devolved Government in Northern Ireland. Bertie Ahern deserves credit for his involvement in that process – but only as part of a team. And, bear in mind that his predecessors, Albert Reynolds, along with John Hume, were the real architects of the peace that is now in place when they opened secret dialogue with Gerry Adams and Martin Mc Guinness in 1994. Ahern never gave credit to either man in all the backslapping that occurred when eventually the North started looking after its own affairs.
In fact, he shafted Reynolds in the most two-faced manner when Fianna Fail nominated Mary Mc Aleese as Presidential candidate to replace Mary Robinson, having promised Reynolds his vote, only to betray him at the last minute.
Bertie Ahern is a complex character. Being educated in politics by Charles Haughey and graduating with first class honours – “the most cunning of them all”- eliminates him from any tolerance of the notion that he was some political innocent abroad. He cultivated the image of the ordinary north-sider made good in politics by sheer hard work and a disciplined constituency organization. At the same time, he was possessed of Machevellian purpose and intent that only the ‘Master Haughey’ could have honed to supreme levels. Bertie was clever enough to build around him an army of cohorts to do the dirty work and retain his innocent “wouldn’t harm a soul” image in his power base of Drumcondra.
When the top job became his, he brought many of these comrades with him and placed them in positions of power that was not for the good of the country, but for the good of Bertie. Added to that, he appointed a huge raft of professional advisors to go along with the public servants already paid to advise him. In a country of less than four million people, Bertie had enough of staffers to run the United States.
Clever people surround themselves with cleverer people. It is doubtful if Bertie ever had an original thought in his political life such is the array of knowledge at his disposal. His inability to think for himself was cruelly exposed at the Mahon Tribunal when forensic question about his financial follies were met with the most ludicrous and incredulous answers. Once away from the strings of his political puppeteers, Bertie was a walking liability to Fianna Fail and there was no way the party was going to let him go before the tribunal again as Taoiseach and pile more agony on them.
Therefore, it is hard to make out the character of the real Bertie. Was he a buffoon who brought Fianna Fail back together with his conciliatory methods? Was he a brain who had a great vision of what he wanted to achieve, and the cunning to carry it out? Apart from his positive role in the North, what did Bertie achieve for the people who actually elected him to office?
In a nutshell, very little. He presided over unprecedented economic boom that was under way when he took office in 1997 and to which he made little contribution. His greatest act was to appoint Charlie McCreevey as Minister of Finance. McCreevey was a maverick that could bully Bertie and his ministers into his way of thinking. A range of measures introduced during his reign as Finance Minister, most notably the cutting of Capital Gains Tax from 40% to 20%, ensured that McCreevey contributed more to the Celtic Tiger than Bertie ever did, despite the former hiring more public servants than the state ever needed.
Ahern wasted the billions that reached the coffers of Government, mostly from the property boom. He must take sole responsibility for his own vanity projects and the failure of his ministers to control budgets on various projects.
It is frightening to consider what was lost on the likes of the Luas, Port Tunnel, electronic voting machines, the M50, the Ppars health IT exercise, Bertie Bowl, Aquatic Centre etc etc.
Worst of all though was the Benchmarking Commission that gave away over a billion euros to public servants that were already overpaid. This was solely Bertie’s baby.
The ability of Ahern to achieve consensus was not a skill at all. It was a weakness. He gave into the unions for the entire duration of his political life. The PR people would portray agreements a victory for common sense when, in fact, Bertie surrendered. The unions played their part in the charade and sniggered up their sleeves at the meekness of the man.
In summary, Bertie Ahern was a lucky politician who in time will be remembered not for what he done for the state, but what he didn’t do. He rode the wave of the good times he was fortunate to find himself in and then washed the proceeds down the toilet.
He departs his office, leaving the country in a mess.
He did the state no service at all.
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