SARKOZI – THE THREE-MINUTE MAN

French Prime Minister, Nicolas Sarkozi came to Dublin recently to talk down to the Irish people about their abominable behaviour in rejecting the Lisbon Treaty last month.

Sarkozi is the current boss of the EU by virtue of the fact that France holds the rotating Presidency for the next six months and before his visit was loud in his condemnation of our failure to bend the knee to Brussels.

Thus, he arrived in Dublin for a one-day trip and holed up in the safety of the French Embassy rather Government Buildings, as is normal protocol. In true Napoleonic arrogance, he granted various lobby groups three minutes, (three minutes!) to make their point before being despatched with dismissive Gallic flourish.

We are a bit concerned at this three minute business and wonder is it anything to do with his personal life and his high profile marriage to Italian model Carla Bruni. One of our intrepid spies managed to infiltrate the “speed dating” meetings and reported as follows:

Well Sarkozi came to Ireland this week

and told us all that we must be meek

and adopt the Brussels glorious master plan

or else our little country would be an also-ran.

He stood therein in all his pomp and grace

and told us we were a fucking disgrace.

How dare we turn around and just say No

when he Bonaparte Sarkozi was running the show.

I will give you all three minutes each

To explain this unforgivable breach

and I want a change of heart then

said he rising to all of his four foot ten.

Tell me now that you’ll say Yes

and put an end to my embarrassing distress.

I have no time, I must be home before night

Or else Carla will kick up an awful shite.

That’s why I can only give you three minutes to decide

Because Carla loves, how you say in Ireland,”le ride”

She is very demanding, so hard to satisfy

So many orgasms, but I try, how I try!

She is very tall, six foot two, mon amour

Thirty lovers she said, but I can’t be sure

Standing by her side, her tits are level with my head

One swing from her and I am fucking dead!

So you see the reason I ask for a Yes decree

Will you awkward Irish hoors please agree?

So that to the Elsyee Palace I can swiftly retire

where my Carla lies panting with desire.

Nobody told me politics would be like this

And that you Irish would take the piss

By voting No to the Lisbon Accord

And spot my clever little French fraud.

I must be off, away now from this place.

Sacre bleu, you Irish are an ungrateful race!

We gave you subsidies and the finest of wines

now you thank us by ruining our grand designs.

Bring me now to my private jet

Home to Carla, my very big pet

But first a consolation, a treat I cannot miss

“Le Biffo Big Lips” will give me a kiss!